Thursday, August 28, 2008

It's crazy the difference a day makes .....

Yesterday I was in a fabulous mood in the morning ~ Tuesday night not only did I finally convince my sister to join the online scrapbooking group Creative Scrappers ~ she needs inspiration very badly ~ she is a tool collector has some really cool things I don't haha ~ but she needs to find her creative outlet and actually USE THEM! So that was a big plus.

And I also reconnected with a friend that night, had an awesome chat that left me feeling great about everything ha ~ I love those kind of chats ~ re-energizes me and makes me motivated to get things done. And I am so happy to say ~ and in large because of all the talented and friendly gals on Creative Scrappers ~ I feel like scrapbooking again!!!!! Course I have to balance it with all the other stuff I let go of late haha like housecleaning but I am feeling inspired. I just wanted to get through the work day and go home and do some balancing hee hee ~ some cleaning and some scrapping ~ it's so good to feel inspired again! Then I got to touch base again in the day and chat with my lovely friend Kelly-Ann ~ she is back on MSN messenger on a more regular basis so I am able to connect with her more often ~ I so so missed her ~ and she confirmed she will be coming up to see me in a couple weeks or so, and I can't wait to see her and spend some quality time with her.

Well that was Wednesday - I was feeling on a high and went home and started some organizing of bookwork I have been ignoring for a few months ~ bad me ~ and got right into it as I was making supper ~ which turned out to be a very good thing that I got something done before I ate. Now here is my vent ~ I started to crash as soon as I ate (telling me that somehow I had contaminated myself with my food, and that I still have a ways to go to make my cooking in MY KITCHEN gluten free). As my body started to slump I got so angry and depressed (it's all part of the reaction though dealing with it isn't getting any easier) and then I further compounded it by eating something that I was unsure of (like that makes sense) because I was trying to ~~~ I don't know ~~~ better my mood? What I did was crash my whole system entirely. I became almost frozen with pain and discomfort and my body felt like it was falling into a drug induced coma ~ it's so hard to explain to people what it means to slip up ~ and I am not sure if the reactions are just worse when I slip up now ~ might be as your body is usually pretty gluten free and it is a shock to your system when you slip up. And I know part of the anger, that I start to feel unreasonably quickly, is because unlike indigestion or a mild stomach upset - I screw up my system for days! I mean I am up and at work like I have to be today, and my stomach pain has eased ~ but the drag on my body (like you are getting the flu) stays with me for days ~ therefore erasing all the wonderful motivation I had just a day before ~ lord it is frustrating. And there is not a thing I can do about it, not a pill I can take, or a way to eat something to offset it ~ I just have to ride out the reaction and try not to screw up too badly in the meantime. Which is frustrating in itself, because of course my lunch today is my supper last night (had no choice as it is all I had made in my fridge) it was either take that or starve today ~ which may end up being the choice in the end. I may have my son bring me some cereal (gluten free of course) for lunch ~ that may help that.

It's a bit overwhelming at times, and of course at the moment my mental health also takes a dip when I have a reaction ~ for it is harder to handle simple stresses in life when you are feeling like a truck hit you ~ but at least now I know I can climb out of this fog and there is a good place to be evenutally ~ I am usually in that good place most of the time now so I am going to try and take this dip and stop being so hard on myself. It does show me though that I have more work to do in my home, after having replaced so many things ~ I still have some research and changing to do. I mean a plus is that I have a whole new set of pots and pans, of bakeware, of cooking utensils ~ that is cool (if expensive) for haven't had new stuff for years and years, kinda fun to have new stuff.

Okay so that is part of Celiac Disease and learning to live with it ~ incredible highs and mind numbing lows ~ and I am striving to have more and more highs in my life (and I am well on my way) than lows. So today I am sick and unmotivated and feeling crappy - but in a few days I will be back on top of the world and back at it!!!!!

I promise myself. Hugs to you all ~

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